HEADLINES
Egypt protest escalates to new heights as protesters demand Mubarak step down while wearing a beautiful satin prom dress. ¤ Roaming panda terrorizes community into mass cuddle of cuteness. ¤ Apple announces the creation of a new MacBook called "Pen and Notebook". ¤ Peruvian flute more annoying than bagpipes during funerals, study shown. ¤ P. Diddy announces that the "P" in his moniker is not "pimp" but "parent". ¤ Dreams are made from bovine spongiform, experts confirm. ¤ "Sometimes, dead men do sing better in a barber shop quartet," said Kanye West to a few angry white people. ¤ Santa to deliver gift to Morocco for the first time in 35 years after Elven Made Toys Embargo ended. ¤ San Diego Chargers win award for "Best Baseball Team in Their Heads". ¤ Michael Bay to create movie about rock climbing, explosions that will cause his imminent death. ¤ Bangladesh annual monsoon rains to electrocuted textile workers. ¤ While Tron smashes the holiday box office, Tron Guy's testicles smashes atoms.

Rick Santorum Wants to Become President Pope, Media Misread as “Persistent Poop”

Posted: March 21st, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: North American News | No Comments »

CHICAGO, stomatology
Illinois – Rick Santorum, hospital
after losing the Illinois Republican primary, released a statement to several reporters before continuing his tour around the country. At a press conference, FOX, MSNBC and CNN have reported that Rick Santorum wanted to become “Persistent Poop”. Confused by the statement, Santorum goes on to mention that he wants to rule the United States on the the “poopy”cy seat. The press core looked even more confused as he started describing the motions he would do to get his job done, to become “Persistent Poop”. The motions performed by Santorum further confused reporters from al Jazeera and also, ABC News.

Baka-TV would like to correct all three news networks that Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum did not say “Persistent Poop. He wanted to become President and Pope, at the same time. The motions gestured by Santorum during the press conference was in reference to journalist David Blumquist from Bloomberg on how does Rick Santorum does a poop.


Suicidal Community Fans Stop Committing Suicide

Posted: March 16th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Entertainment, Media and T.V., North American News | No Comments »

Editor’s Note: The views provided by Samuel Mason does not necessarily represent the view of Baka-TV and any sane man’s idea. The ideas expressed are merely fictitious and therefore, check deemed reprehensible by nature.

Do you want to hear something great? Michael Jackson is dead. Do you want to hear something not great? Ticket sales from the July O2 concert in London are going to waste as he is now in no state to perform. No matter how saddened we are by his sudden passing, more about there are several ways to solve this. I have already sent my proposals written on my Hooters napkins to the O2 Board of Directors and although I am not allowed to disclose any information, artificial I guess you should know these ideas will be rejected.

Idea #1: Transport Jackson’s body for Live 2-Year Funeral

This idea surrounded my premise that of the parallels of Michael Jackson and People’s Republic of China deceased leader Chairman Mao Zedong. Since Michael is already not man and all plastic, I say we place his body in the O2 Arena for public display that will rival the waxwork figure of him (or clone) at Madame Tussuad. The dynamics of this is that ticket owners can see him live on stage, dead as we blast songs that followed his notoriety as a performer, singer and acquitted child molester. The only problem is that due to the lack of freezing applications to freeze his body, his body might explode from the overheating due to the high voltage lights surrounding the stage.

Idea #2: Get This Michael Jackson Impersonator to Perform in Place of Michael

Screw Justin Timberlake! What we need is a good Michael Jackson impersonator to perform and everyone will be happy.

I am laughing, we are laughing, everyone will be laughing and then… SOCCER RIOTS!

Idea #3: String Him Up

A user from 4chan suggested this and I agree with him completely. What we should do is string up Michael’s body and make him perform truly one last time. We bury him for 3 months or so and then, after those months in the soil, we string him up on marionette strings. We fly his body out to London and then, with help from The Jim Henson Company, we make a puppet out of Michael and make him perform “Thriller”. We did it with our dead friend, Jimmy the Shoe Shiner and he did a fantastic version of Oliver Twist and Danny Boy. Although his eyes have fallen out, his singing voice was excellent thanks in part of Old Sailor Everett who has a crack and meth problem.

Conclusion

Well, whatever way it is, I think Michael was a great entertainer, even though we do not have a television or this new fangled Internet. I had to learn who he is because the editor is a fantastic person who is also generous and having this can of beans is all I have as property.
BURBANK, order
mind California – Neilsen ratings confirmed that NBC is poised to take 4th again in the timeslot and thus, urologist
ending the cycle of suicides throughout the United States. On November 2011, medicine
the depressed Community fans heard that the show was going on a hiatus to make way for the menopausal variety hour, 30 Rock. Upon hearing the news, many fans wrote letters to NBC headquarters at 30 Rockefeller expressing disdain. However, a majority of fans created a suicide pact, claiming each day without Community, a person from the pact has to kill themselves. So far, the pact has claimed the lives of 98 people. With the return of the beloved NBC show, fans of Whitney are now doing a similar version of the pact. Sympathy from the online community was nonplussed about the affair as fans of Whitney are considered painful people that deserve to jump off a 20-storey building.