Editor’s Note: The views provided by Samuel Mason does not necessarily represent the view of Baka-TV and any sane man’s idea. The ideas expressed are merely fictitious and therefore, deemed reprehensible by nature.
Do you want to hear something great? Michael Jackson is dead. Do you want to hear something not great? Ticket sales from the July O2 concert in London are going to waste as he is now in no state to perform. No matter how saddened we are by his sudden passing, there are several ways to solve this. I have already sent my proposals written on my Hooters napkins to the O2 Board of Directors and although I am not allowed to disclose any information, I guess you should know these ideas will be rejected.
Idea #1: Transport Jackson’s body for Live 2-Year Funeral
This idea surrounded my premise that of the parallels of Michael Jackson and People’s Republic of China deceased leader Chairman Mao Zedong. Since Michael is already not man and all plastic, I say we place his body in the O2 Arena for public display that will rival the waxwork figure of him (or clone) at Madame Tussuad. The dynamics of this is that ticket owners can see him live on stage, dead as we blast songs that followed his notoriety as a performer, singer and acquitted child molester. The only problem is that due to the lack of freezing applications to freeze his body, his body might explode from the overheating due to the high voltage lights surrounding the stage.
Idea #2: Get This Michael Jackson Impersonator to Perform in Place of Michael
Screw Justin Timberlake! What we need is a good Michael Jackson impersonator to perform and everyone will be happy.
I am laughing, we are laughing, everyone will be laughing and then… SOCCER RIOTS!
Idea #3: String Him Up
A user from 4chan suggested this and I agree with him completely. What we should do is string up Michael’s body and make him perform truly one last time. We bury him for 3 months or so and then, after those months in the soil, we string him up on marionette strings. We fly his body out to London and then, with help from The Jim Henson Company, we make a puppet out of Michael and make him perform “Thriller”. We did it with our dead friend, Jimmy the Shoe Shiner and he did a fantastic version of Oliver Twist and Danny Boy. Although his eyes have fallen out, his singing voice was excellent thanks in part of Old Sailor Everett who has a crack and meth problem.
Well, whatever way it is, I think Michael was a great entertainer, even though we do not have a television or this new fangled Internet. I had to learn who he is because the editor is a fantastic person who is also generous and having this can of beans is all I have as property.