Egypt protest escalates to new heights as protesters demand Mubarak step down while wearing a beautiful satin prom dress. ¤ Roaming panda terrorizes community into mass cuddle of cuteness. ¤ Apple announces the creation of a new MacBook called "Pen and Notebook". ¤ Peruvian flute more annoying than bagpipes during funerals, study shown. ¤ P. Diddy announces that the "P" in his moniker is not "pimp" but "parent". ¤ Dreams are made from bovine spongiform, experts confirm. ¤ "Sometimes, dead men do sing better in a barber shop quartet," said Kanye West to a few angry white people. ¤ Santa to deliver gift to Morocco for the first time in 35 years after Elven Made Toys Embargo ended. ¤ San Diego Chargers win award for "Best Baseball Team in Their Heads". ¤ Michael Bay to create movie about rock climbing, explosions that will cause his imminent death. ¤ Bangladesh annual monsoon rains to electrocuted textile workers. ¤ While Tron smashes the holiday box office, Tron Guy's testicles smashes atoms.

Five Minute Review: Grand Theft Auto Chinatown Wars

Posted: March 26th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Nintendo DS | No Comments »



Graphics: 5/5 – Expected of the DS graphics capability and Liberty City never looked this fantastic from the top-down view

Audio: 4/5 – Pedestrians, approved cars and music only radio. It’s the Nintendo DS capability

Control: 5/5 – Sticking it to the man has never taken this literal. Also, gynecologist assembling a sniper and hotwiring a car has never been this fun.

Technical Stuff: 5/5 – This little cartridge can do no wrong… 800, pharmacy 000 lines of coding…

Plot: 5/5 – Sarcasm… check. Crime mob control… check. A dozed up to the eyeball Triad leader… DOUBLE check!


OVERALL: 4.8/5

The Positives

+ Huang is as sarcastic as Niko Bellic so expect top notch dialogue with no voice so, you can make it up

+ Graphics are not top notch but it is isometric

+ Touchscreen on the DS has so much minigames when you jack a car, ride an ambulance, set a bomb

+ Classic paramedic, vigilante, taxi, jumps and collectibles are back

+ No races, just checkpoint time trials

+ Crooked cop named Heston

+ Drug dealing is main way to get sustainable income

+ There is a replay feature if you die after the mission or pass a mission in your home

The Negatives

– Not enough cars and vehicles

– Limited sound effects and music

– Alderney is missing and that’s where Korea Town is

– No Brucie Kibbutz

– No usable helicopters

– No races

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars – Let There Be Violence on My DS

Posted: February 27th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Nintendo DS | No Comments » I can finally appreciate the finer points of video games on the DS: violence and animal-related deaths! Wait, there's no dog deaths? Well, I can't change the picture now, can I?

When I heard of Grand Theft Auto IV, I said, “Yay! New Liberty City! More Lazlow!”

When I found out that Nintendo DS, the most docile of all the handheld video game consoles, is bringing me the subtext irony of American lifestyles and the game known foremost for its violence and Jack Thompson rants, I said, “Bring it on!”

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