HEADLINES
Egypt protest escalates to new heights as protesters demand Mubarak step down while wearing a beautiful satin prom dress. ¤ Roaming panda terrorizes community into mass cuddle of cuteness. ¤ Apple announces the creation of a new MacBook called "Pen and Notebook". ¤ Peruvian flute more annoying than bagpipes during funerals, study shown. ¤ P. Diddy announces that the "P" in his moniker is not "pimp" but "parent". ¤ Dreams are made from bovine spongiform, experts confirm. ¤ "Sometimes, dead men do sing better in a barber shop quartet," said Kanye West to a few angry white people. ¤ Santa to deliver gift to Morocco for the first time in 35 years after Elven Made Toys Embargo ended. ¤ San Diego Chargers win award for "Best Baseball Team in Their Heads". ¤ Michael Bay to create movie about rock climbing, explosions that will cause his imminent death. ¤ Bangladesh annual monsoon rains to electrocuted textile workers. ¤ While Tron smashes the holiday box office, Tron Guy's testicles smashes atoms.

Blame Society: John Madden Dungeon Master

Posted: March 29th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: North American News | No Comments »


IKEA Unveils New “DIY” Car Model

Posted: March 29th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Delft, discount rx HOLLAND – IKEA recently unveiled in its Spring catalogue the world’s first DIY car. Encouraging customers to buy the piece by piece car in a slump economy, about it many critics hailed the idea presented by IKEA. One customer from Detroit, viagra 100mg Michigan said that, “…it encourages me to get my hands dirty before throwing the uncompleted car into the ground, smashing it due to sheer frustration.” The IKEA car or the i-Kar has so far attracted many customers who feel it is time to bring down automakers with some DIY work.

However, there have been complaints about the i-Kar. For example, many complain about the difficult assembly of unmatched car parts and the hard to read instruction guide written entirely in Hindi and Swedish. Also, one consumer commented the car “being a cabinet”. IKEA spokesman, Hans Garbo, said that, “[The i-Kar] is left to the imagination of the consumer and it is up to them to figure it out whether they want to incorporate a table into the i-Kar.” Accessories for the i-Kar has been planned for a release in 2009 winter which includes vinyl seats, children safety features and some Swedish furniture that looks like a toilet but it is not.

This comes as a shock to most consumers as IKEA recently lauched DIY country kit that consists of flag, parliament house and 2 billion dollars to pay investment firms to stay afloat.


Death Row Inmate Gets Execution in a form of a Last Meal that Never Ends

Posted: March 29th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Topeka, thumb KANSAS – The Governor of Kansas recently allowed the last meal of death row inmate Joshua Hopkins, a triple murderer who robbed and stabbed three people at a local baby store, buy to be a meal that last forever as a form of his sentence. Families of the murderer victims have spoken for the punishment. So far, Hopkins has been eating nonstop from the buffet that never ends. When asked by reporters about regretting his decision of killing the people, Hopkins only replied gluttonously to one reporter to “…pass the fillet mignon as it is getting cold”.

Fellow inmate Sharif al-Jaafar White has this to say about Hopkins. “He said he did not want to die and all the state is doing is killing him with his passion of food.” The mystery surrounding the murder remains as how did Hopkins commit a murder as he was 500 pounds in weight when arrested. Police speculated that he might have done a reverse liposuction with a vacuum cleaner and a dead pig carcass found on the scene of his arrest. When asked further about his death penalty, Hopkins said indiscernibly while chewing his sirloin, “Dieing like this a tragedy as I am being forced to death with food that I love.”

This news came after only a few months ago in Texas did the governor allowed the death penalty of a serial rapist through ‘continuous sexual pleasure until dead’.


Beijing Opera is a Remedy for Drowsiness

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

BEIJING, for sale China – Scientists at the Shuixing University of Psychology recently discovered that with an increased listening of Beijing opera in a day will let sufferers of drowsiness increase daily awareness by an additional of 2 hours. The piercing screams and the constant use of cymbals during a Beijing opera is known to ring the ear of a suffering patient while their brain rattle uncontrollably as the music pummels their auditory system.

Dr. Jie Xang, drugs the lead scientist of the study concluded after observing patients suffering from this to be “rolling in their beds asking for the ringing to stop” and some to be screaming “the Fortune God is coming”. When asked if the cure can be used throughout the world, Dr. Jie commented that, “The piercing shrieks of a man-lady in makeup will make anyone awake… [but] I am not sure whether this would be sold to capitalist pig dogs trying to stay awake.”

Incidentally, Scottish scientists at the University of Mae Drung outside Aberdeen have also found a cure for people who cannot wake up by installing a bagpipe inside their ears which blows off whenever the sun shines into their retina, causing the bagpipe to inflate and rattle the auditory nerves of with a loud rendition of ‘Scotland the Brave’.


The Onion: Prague’s Franz Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: European News | No Comments »


World of Warcraft: Mutant Ninja Turtles of Dalaran

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

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Family Flix – Rocket Dog

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Media and T.V., North American News | No Comments »


Five Minute Review: Grand Theft Auto Chinatown Wars

Posted: March 26th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Nintendo DS | No Comments »

GTA CTW DS FOB PEGI

THE RUNDOWN

Graphics: 5/5 – Expected of the DS graphics capability and Liberty City never looked this fantastic from the top-down view

Audio: 4/5 – Pedestrians, approved cars and music only radio. It’s the Nintendo DS capability

Control: 5/5 – Sticking it to the man has never taken this literal. Also, gynecologist assembling a sniper and hotwiring a car has never been this fun.

Technical Stuff: 5/5 – This little cartridge can do no wrong… 800, pharmacy 000 lines of coding…

Plot: 5/5 – Sarcasm… check. Crime mob control… check. A dozed up to the eyeball Triad leader… DOUBLE check!

Replay Value: 5/5 – TO CONTINUE, PRESS ANY (SELECT) KEY

OVERALL: 4.8/5

The Positives

+ Huang is as sarcastic as Niko Bellic so expect top notch dialogue with no voice so, you can make it up

+ Graphics are not top notch but it is isometric

+ Touchscreen on the DS has so much minigames when you jack a car, ride an ambulance, set a bomb

+ Classic paramedic, vigilante, taxi, jumps and collectibles are back

+ No races, just checkpoint time trials

+ Crooked cop named Heston

+ Drug dealing is main way to get sustainable income

+ There is a replay feature if you die after the mission or pass a mission in your home

The Negatives

– Not enough cars and vehicles

– Limited sound effects and music

– Alderney is missing and that’s where Korea Town is

– No Brucie Kibbutz

– No usable helicopters

– No races


UCBComedy: Get The Lion King Before March 13th As Its Going Into the Disney Vault

Posted: March 23rd, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »


Kim Jong il’s New Swimming Pool

Posted: March 21st, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

I am obssessed about North Korea and I always listen to their staple song, resuscitation “No Motherland without You”.

Here is “No Motherland without You”.

51-12_dang-shin-i_eops-eu-myeon_jo-guk-do_eop-da

Now… here’s a recent news story about a new pool in North Korea. I am not kidding cause there is a slide featured in this thing which made me laugh.

http://www.pyonkoma.com/houdou201.asf