HEADLINES
Egypt protest escalates to new heights as protesters demand Mubarak step down while wearing a beautiful satin prom dress. ¤ Roaming panda terrorizes community into mass cuddle of cuteness. ¤ Apple announces the creation of a new MacBook called "Pen and Notebook". ¤ Peruvian flute more annoying than bagpipes during funerals, study shown. ¤ P. Diddy announces that the "P" in his moniker is not "pimp" but "parent". ¤ Dreams are made from bovine spongiform, experts confirm. ¤ "Sometimes, dead men do sing better in a barber shop quartet," said Kanye West to a few angry white people. ¤ Santa to deliver gift to Morocco for the first time in 35 years after Elven Made Toys Embargo ended. ¤ San Diego Chargers win award for "Best Baseball Team in Their Heads". ¤ Michael Bay to create movie about rock climbing, explosions that will cause his imminent death. ¤ Bangladesh annual monsoon rains to electrocuted textile workers. ¤ While Tron smashes the holiday box office, Tron Guy's testicles smashes atoms.

IKEA Unveils New “DIY” Car Model

Posted: March 29th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Delft, discount rx HOLLAND – IKEA recently unveiled in its Spring catalogue the world’s first DIY car. Encouraging customers to buy the piece by piece car in a slump economy, about it many critics hailed the idea presented by IKEA. One customer from Detroit, viagra 100mg Michigan said that, “…it encourages me to get my hands dirty before throwing the uncompleted car into the ground, smashing it due to sheer frustration.” The IKEA car or the i-Kar has so far attracted many customers who feel it is time to bring down automakers with some DIY work.

However, there have been complaints about the i-Kar. For example, many complain about the difficult assembly of unmatched car parts and the hard to read instruction guide written entirely in Hindi and Swedish. Also, one consumer commented the car “being a cabinet”. IKEA spokesman, Hans Garbo, said that, “[The i-Kar] is left to the imagination of the consumer and it is up to them to figure it out whether they want to incorporate a table into the i-Kar.” Accessories for the i-Kar has been planned for a release in 2009 winter which includes vinyl seats, children safety features and some Swedish furniture that looks like a toilet but it is not.

This comes as a shock to most consumers as IKEA recently lauched DIY country kit that consists of flag, parliament house and 2 billion dollars to pay investment firms to stay afloat.


Death Row Inmate Gets Execution in a form of a Last Meal that Never Ends

Posted: March 29th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Topeka, thumb KANSAS – The Governor of Kansas recently allowed the last meal of death row inmate Joshua Hopkins, a triple murderer who robbed and stabbed three people at a local baby store, buy to be a meal that last forever as a form of his sentence. Families of the murderer victims have spoken for the punishment. So far, Hopkins has been eating nonstop from the buffet that never ends. When asked by reporters about regretting his decision of killing the people, Hopkins only replied gluttonously to one reporter to “…pass the fillet mignon as it is getting cold”.

Fellow inmate Sharif al-Jaafar White has this to say about Hopkins. “He said he did not want to die and all the state is doing is killing him with his passion of food.” The mystery surrounding the murder remains as how did Hopkins commit a murder as he was 500 pounds in weight when arrested. Police speculated that he might have done a reverse liposuction with a vacuum cleaner and a dead pig carcass found on the scene of his arrest. When asked further about his death penalty, Hopkins said indiscernibly while chewing his sirloin, “Dieing like this a tragedy as I am being forced to death with food that I love.”

This news came after only a few months ago in Texas did the governor allowed the death penalty of a serial rapist through ‘continuous sexual pleasure until dead’.


Beijing Opera is a Remedy for Drowsiness

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

BEIJING, for sale China – Scientists at the Shuixing University of Psychology recently discovered that with an increased listening of Beijing opera in a day will let sufferers of drowsiness increase daily awareness by an additional of 2 hours. The piercing screams and the constant use of cymbals during a Beijing opera is known to ring the ear of a suffering patient while their brain rattle uncontrollably as the music pummels their auditory system.

Dr. Jie Xang, drugs the lead scientist of the study concluded after observing patients suffering from this to be “rolling in their beds asking for the ringing to stop” and some to be screaming “the Fortune God is coming”. When asked if the cure can be used throughout the world, Dr. Jie commented that, “The piercing shrieks of a man-lady in makeup will make anyone awake… [but] I am not sure whether this would be sold to capitalist pig dogs trying to stay awake.”

Incidentally, Scottish scientists at the University of Mae Drung outside Aberdeen have also found a cure for people who cannot wake up by installing a bagpipe inside their ears which blows off whenever the sun shines into their retina, causing the bagpipe to inflate and rattle the auditory nerves of with a loud rendition of ‘Scotland the Brave’.


World of Warcraft: Mutant Ninja Turtles of Dalaran

Posted: March 28th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

wowscrnshot_032809_230123


UCBComedy: Get The Lion King Before March 13th As Its Going Into the Disney Vault

Posted: March 23rd, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »


Kim Jong il’s New Swimming Pool

Posted: March 21st, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

I am obssessed about North Korea and I always listen to their staple song, resuscitation “No Motherland without You”.

Here is “No Motherland without You”.

51-12_dang-shin-i_eops-eu-myeon_jo-guk-do_eop-da

Now… here’s a recent news story about a new pool in North Korea. I am not kidding cause there is a slide featured in this thing which made me laugh.

http://www.pyonkoma.com/houdou201.asf


The Onion: Scientists Find Skeleton of Nature’s First Sex Predator

Posted: March 19th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

It will be time till we find the first skulls of Larry King’s old clone and the Chrishansenosaurus which should be found outside with several cameracrewapods near the pervertasaurus’ skeleton.


Dreaming of Persepolis alá Malaysia

Posted: March 18th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Dreams are even weirder when YOU become the major character of a motion picture

Dreams are even weirder when YOU become the major character of a motion picture

I have been having really odd dreams lately. Today’s dream broke from the repetitive cycle of Japanese land with anthropomorphic animals alá Kamichu. Today, herpes my dreams are being reflected in Persepolis alá Malaysia.

It starts off with me watching a horrible school made opera of Rigoletto. I mean, try the backgrounds were taken from a Windows default background picture. And the acting was really bad. Really, information pills really awful. The singing was the worst. The background characters of people dressed up in minotaur costumes made no sense. As soon as the final scene went down, everyone left in unison and a final bow was left with only three people: me and my parents. The teacher who was there looked oddly familiar like my old English lecturer from HELP and she was looking flabbergasted. Then, I heard a gunshot and someone running in saying, “The Revolution is here!”

I then woke up to my alarm clock (real life now) and it was 10.45am. SHUT UP ALARM CLOCK! *goes back to sleep*

Then, it continued with the house being haunted (alá The Estate of Panic) and that a squat toilet became unflushable. Pee was flowing out from it and flushing it down seemed impossible. The house was supposed to look in tip top shape for a visit of some big shot and it did. But as he came, he refused to enter and he just left. I ‘worked’ hard to clean the toilets and the kitchen and I felt really dejected. A storm came and blew my hair apart making me bald.

Then it ends with the next door neighbor’s house being converted into a mosque and the people in it discussing about our house. They decided to brand us witches. My family left the house in our car and drove all the way to the US (see the impossibleness yet?) We stopped outside of Hadley at a Home Depot/motel. We saw three witches get out of a van and I went “WTF?” and woke up from the dream.


You Can Never Get Enough of Cats

Posted: March 17th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

That’s cause cats are adorable and they eat your brains with their cuteness.

Beer CAT

Ume: The Neko Cat Moe Assassin

Cat Stevens


Sorry for the two to four days of non-updates

Posted: March 5th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Yeah, drugs really sorry about that. Really busy with the workload.

I promise I’ll get back to you on Sunday after Hampshire College’s tabletop RPG tournament, Deathfest, is over. I might post some pictures.

Peace.