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Easter Make Jews Feel Alienated After Passover

Posted: April 13th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »

NEW YORK CITY, apoplexy New York – A recent survey in the New York Times suggests that Jews universally feel left out after celebrating Passover. Among subjects surveyed, dosage most mention that Easter’s theme of death and resurrection does not correspond into their Jewish mind. One of the surveyed quoted saying, view “If you died, you die and go to heaven… there was no way you can just come back up from the dead. Jesus is therefore a… urh… a Dracula!”

level-of-alienationThe surveyed mentioned the similarities between Jesus Christ with Dracula, drawing conclusions that both Christians and Jesus are vampires and that Christians are forced to drink the blood of Christ, forcing them to become the devil hellspawn of Earth. Although, most people did not associate the resurrection holiday with satanism. “With the matzos and the gifelte fish, you’d expect the Christians would be courteous to be as depressing as the rest of the world is,” commented one of the surveyed people. “We Jews feel absolutely unpleasant with the colored eggs and the tasty Easter brunches these people have. [We] have unleavened bread… unleavened bread…? Who the fuck eats rabbit eggs?!”

However, a rebuttal from the Proper Christian Families of America has caused some sparks of controversy. Spokesperson Jane Watson spoke to Baka-TV news earlier and said, “I would not under no circumstance allow these people to ruin the traditional egg hunt through the dark forest. [Christians] want to celebrate Easter without being pushed into the state of depression. I mean, what do you want: a miracle story of a guy coming back to life after being humiliated in front of thousands of people, cruxified and died OR some recognition of a bunch of peoples’ safe passage over some stupid water?”

No comments by the North American Jewish Association were made yet at the time of this article. The Muslim delegate at a Understanding of Religion and Peace Forum have expressed sympathy to both Christians and Jews to then only later prance around in a circle, pointing and laughing at all religious representatives going, “We have one whole month of holidays later in late September while you don’t!” A subsequent beatdown was later done on the behalf of Jewish and Christian representatives by Hindu, Sikh, Rastafarian and Buddhist representatives.



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