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‘Operation Snooki’ Proposed to Combat Fat European Tourists

Posted: February 18th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Entertainment, European News, North American News | No Comments »
One of these people can be a weapon of mass "non-erection"

One of these people can be a weapon of mass "non-erection"

WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano announced a new, misbirth strict airline security measure to ensure that fat European tourists will not ‘touch the sacred American soil with their bratwurst [any national food related item] smelling feet’. Although considered to be one of New York’s and Florida’s greatest source of income, practitioner the growing trend of economic stagnation caused by the European tourist forced Homeland Security to take action.

Napolitano also cited the 2005 French Humiliation Attack where a rich European began to openly criticize then-President George W. Bush and the taste of Starbucks coffee without even taking a sip. The International Community applauded the action of Jacques Rosseau Salibaire, help the terrorist. He was considered the most wanted man in America until he wound up in New Orleans during Katrina and was found dead in the French Quarter with a suicide note tied to his chest that said, “I am a bastard. I am sorry and I have a stool leg up my ass as I drown myself in this part of town with a ball gag in my mouth.”

The four-step plan mentioned during the meeting was as followed.

  • VISA issued for these countries will continue as usual under scrutiny of the Patriot Act as with other immigration laws
  • Cardboard cutouts, printed travel pamphlets and travel ads featuring Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Polozzi will be used to promote tourism in Europe
  • De-educated Nicole “Snooki” Polozzi to not read country name in passports
  • Give the position of the Immigration Officer to her and 20 Nicole “Snooki” Polozzi lookalikes where there will frustrate the tourists even more than usual

    The latest US defense against missiles and stray Taliban bullets

    The latest US defense against missiles and stray Taliban bullets

Advisor to the Secretary of Homeland Security William J. Marple mentioned that with this plan, it will make sure that the American economy will continue to stagnate. “Also,” continued Marple, “[this operation will] annoy any non-American with the ‘New Jerseyite’ folksy, guido charm as asking them to get [the fuck] out does not seem to penetrate their [numbskull, fucking] minds.”

The measure called ‘Operation Snooki’ will commence in airports everywhere on June 30th 2010 if passed by Congress. In other news, ‘Operation The Situation’ will place Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino in the middle of the Afghani desert where he will use his abs to reflect Taliban bullets that are aimed towards American and British troops. General McChrystal remarked that this plan would only be executed either on September 21st 2010 or when the makers of CytoSport™ Muscle Milk® decide to sponsor half of the war.


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