HEADLINES
Egypt protest escalates to new heights as protesters demand Mubarak step down while wearing a beautiful satin prom dress. ¤ Roaming panda terrorizes community into mass cuddle of cuteness. ¤ Apple announces the creation of a new MacBook called "Pen and Notebook". ¤ Peruvian flute more annoying than bagpipes during funerals, study shown. ¤ P. Diddy announces that the "P" in his moniker is not "pimp" but "parent". ¤ Dreams are made from bovine spongiform, experts confirm. ¤ "Sometimes, dead men do sing better in a barber shop quartet," said Kanye West to a few angry white people. ¤ Santa to deliver gift to Morocco for the first time in 35 years after Elven Made Toys Embargo ended. ¤ San Diego Chargers win award for "Best Baseball Team in Their Heads". ¤ Michael Bay to create movie about rock climbing, explosions that will cause his imminent death. ¤ Bangladesh annual monsoon rains to electrocuted textile workers. ¤ While Tron smashes the holiday box office, Tron Guy's testicles smashes atoms.

European Passengers Continue to Spread “Bitch and Moan about Flights” Plague

Posted: December 20th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: European News | No Comments »

PARIS, France – As snow blankets northwestern Europe, the massive delays it caused in airports around Europe has infected the local populace and tourists throughout with a plague. World Health Organization (WHO) representatives from London’s Heathrow Airport, Paris’s Charles de Gaulle Airport and Germany’s Frankfurt International Airport have reported the symptoms of “Bitch and Moan about Flights” disease or “I’m an Important Bastard” plague found on many passengers who have faced delayed or canceled flights.

Yukio Hashigawa, a Japanese tourist who had recently contracted the disease and Paris Syndrome, complained about long queue lines to the toilets and uncomfortable, cramped heated conditions. “The artwork in the Louvre was already upsetting and these delays just made me very peeved.”

Homeless people at airport are also one of the core causes of the plague.

“It’s really bad,” screamed Juan Valle of Valencia, Spain into a microphone at Heathrow. “Not only I don’t have a flight back home,  I have this uncontrollable rage to beat up an airline employee,” continued Mr. Valle as he sipped his beer at the bar.

“I have to go back to Jean Phillipe’s place again,” cried an airline stewardess from Lufthansa. “I have to now spend another one night stand with some weird smelling stranger in a foreign country that can’t even pronounce my name or give me that satisfying orgasm.”

The WHO has listed out symptoms of the plague and has posted health stations with help from airport officials throughout affected airports. If waiting passengers encounters nausea, mood swings that shift mainly towards anger, frustration, consistent crying, insomnia, vomiting, diarrhea, severe punching, severe screaming and nonsensical singing of Gilbert and Sullivan tunes to cheer up one’s own damage psyche, airport officials and WHO representatives asks that all passengers seek immediate medical attention or just drive, take the train or boat to your destination.


Comments are closed.