PARIS, apoplexy France – As snow blankets northwestern Europe, the massive delays it caused in airports around Europe has infected the local populace and tourists throughout with a plague. World Health Organization (WHO) representatives from London’s Heathrow Airport, Paris’s Charles de Gaulle Airport and Germany’s Frankfurt International Airport have reported the symptoms of “Bitch and Moan about Flights” disease or “I’m an Important Bastard” plague found on many passengers who have faced delayed or canceled flights.
Yukio Hashigawa, a Japanese tourist who had recently contracted the disease and Paris Syndrome, complained about long queue lines to the toilets and uncomfortable, cramped heated conditions. “The artwork in the Louvre was already upsetting and these delays just made me very peeved.”
“It’s really bad,” screamed Juan Valle of Valencia, Spain into a microphone at Heathrow. “Not only I don’t have a flight back home, I have this uncontrollable rage to beat up an airline employee,” continued Mr. Valle as he sipped his beer at the bar.
“I have to go back to Jean Phillipe’s place again,” cried an airline stewardess from Lufthansa. “I have to now spend another one night stand with some weird smelling stranger in a foreign country that can’t even pronounce my name or give me that satisfying orgasm.”
The WHO has listed out symptoms of the plague and has posted health stations with help from airport officials throughout affected airports. If waiting passengers encounters nausea, mood swings that shift mainly towards anger, frustration, consistent crying, insomnia, vomiting, diarrhea, severe punching, severe screaming and nonsensical singing of Gilbert and Sullivan tunes to cheer up one’s own damage psyche, airport officials and WHO representatives asks that all passengers seek immediate medical attention or just drive, take the train or boat to your destination.