Trekkies Beat Up Mutants in Inhaler-filled Fist Fight

NEW YORK CITY, eczema New York – A fan feud occured outside a cinema close to 30 Rockefeller between fans of X-men and Star Trek. Although earlier reports suggest that most Trekkies would not watch the watchable 2 hour movie, urticaria most did come because of the appearance of Leonard Nimoy in the movie. The feud started off when Dennis Allers of Miami (or the USS Cleveland) queued in the line when he heard an X-cosplayer shouting how much Star Trek sucked. The feud started with a verbal sparring match, health queuing up the acting talents of Leonard Nimoy and Hugh Jackman. Then, a physical confrontation began between the two that was both weak and filled with bouts of inhaling inhalers.

Police were called to the scene but they refused to step into the fight as they felt that the argument should be resolved with who would kick ass with representation by the parties: Wolverine or the USS Enterprise.

“The fight was über lame,” commented a spectator. “You’d expect blood by now but all I see was weak punches by Wolverine and the klingon,” added the spectator.

By the end of the 3 hour confrontation, the Wolverine cosplayer fainted and was immediately hospitalized, crowning Star Trek more awesome than Wolverine. Analyst of the fight suggest that because the comic book fanbase are refusing to watch the movie, the support of it was low and therefore, Wolverine cannot faceoff a full-fledged Federation officer. Among the other theories given, the phasers might just melt off Wolverine’s stupid adamantium claw.

Trekkies have often clashes with other groups of fandom. The Star Wars-Star Trek War of 1999 for instance lost 10 Trekkies while Trekkies v Lost Angels contributed to the largest Trekkie massacre and loss of virginity, in the ass.

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Biden Makes No Gaffe for a Day, Black Hole in Time Continium Formed

Washington, this DC – Vice President Joseph Biden spoke at a press conference, making it the first ever gaffe-free event in his entire history. Biden is known for his gaffes which cause journalists everywhere to scrutinize and lampoon the very words spewing from his flapping mouth. Today, the Vice President, gripping the podium tightly with his palms, spoke to the press in a calm and assertive tone, without sounding like a turkey drowning in the rain.

"As you can see, I have stopped making gaffes so, stop worrying about me."

Questions of the current economy crisis died down as the press began asking him why was he answering their questions without making a mistake. The inquisition only drew subdued answer from Biden with such replies as, “Please, can we get back to the issue at hand?” and “Yes, Obama is going to slap my face if I make one more mistake.” When asked about his sudden monotonous voice during the conference, Biden implicated that he was also forced to watch the “Bueller’s Day Off” scene where Ben Stein’s character said the name “Bueller” over and over again. Reporters also witnessed that whenever Biden attempted to move himself away from the issue, the Vice President began to shake violently, tilting and leaning on his head.

It was at this time that behind Biden formed a large black hole, sucking him and a chair into the swirling vortex of doom. One reporter exclaimed, “Holy shit, there’s a fucking black hole swallowing the Vice President!” However, the Vice President calmed down the audience, explaining that there is nothing to worry about as the black hole is harmless and it just needs to put the Vice President himself back into the normal time continium. Biden also added, “[Dick] Cheney told me about it.”

This is not the first time a Vice President summoned a black hole. Vice President Dan Quayle in 1992 summoned one where he actually spelled “potato” correctly while Al Gore created his by going through an entire day without being an environmental douchebag and claiming that he created the Internet. Perhaps the largest blackhole created was by the former Vice President Dick Cheney where a bullet shot from his gun that was aimed at a quail went into a blackhole and came out shooting his best friend in the head.

Other occurences of the blackhole was brought up in such cases as the OJ Simpson cases where OJ claimed a blackhole was formed under his knife while he was stabbing his hard cheese that landed on his ex-wife Nicole Simpson Brown’s body. OJ was acquitted with the argument.

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The Things I Have Learned From Frank Sacramone

I have learned a lot about America. I learned that America is number one and that monster trucks are the greatest invention next to the flushing toilet. In my American experience, ambulance steaks are infinitely bigger and that super-size is mandatory, clinic not an option. Everything is big from the land mass of Texas to the fat people at Mississippi. Things are awfully big in America. Back home, houses were small, quaint and dilapidated. Complain it to the person who owns the house and he will do as such. In America, if you tell someone that their house is shit, expect a shotgun aimed at your face and the words, “Get outta my property!” become a voice that you obey.

Although Ben Fucking Beach was  a character to behold, Frank Sacramone of Scotty and the Pornos is perhaps one of the most outstanding characters whose valor and dignity stands more upright than an erection of a flagpole. Practical and confident, these mere words could probably best describe him. Vertical in height, this person could almost always ring out a laugh into a situation. He brought the rock music in America to my ears, although I detest the “violent capitalist attitude to the demonic voices from predominantly rich kids who do this as a form of rebellion”.

Anyway, he has taught me very valuable things.

• Mississippi is perhaps the worst state in the country next to Alabama
• Connecticut is so cheap that Jews sweat beads of money to pay off their debts
• Smith girls are hot
• Porno bands exist to only make you horny and hot as hell
• He has your nuts
• You don’t want to be spar partners with Frank
• Jigglypuff is NOT a fag character… (not after Jigglypuff kicked Captain Falcon’s ass)
• Seth is a bitch
• Creeper’s United is a valid student organization to provide eerie and creepy stalker looks while people work out.
• “This is America! You don’t be speakin’ that funny talk cuz it ain’t America!” – Frank imitating an American hero (note that there is not a typo)
• Everything in America from hybrid cars to the food at Hampshire’s Dining Commons runs on General Tsao’s
• Everything goes well with General Tsao’s
• “One day, Hoss will make a General Tsao, Oreo Stuf, bacon fat and mozzarella cheese pizza. Top that off with some barbecue sauce and high fructose syrup, Ben will die in a day with that and the Mountain Dew he drinks.” – Frank on dietary concerns of Ben Fucking Beach
• This guy introduce me to “ABCDEath” and Psychostick and I love it
• Knows how to make a nerd voice
• Introduced me to Jamie who is perhaps the coolest person I have met in Frank’s band
• Has rice pudding that reminds me of home

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The Things I Have Learned From Ben Beach

When I came to Hampshire, cialis sale I learned many things. I have learned that everyone has a voice in America. I learned that gays exist. I learned that America’s form of democracy is a vague concept to my countrymen who have never felt the pleasures of slugging down an entire can of Samuel Adams (although I myself have never tried it). In fact, there are things I keep learning that further peak my interest in America. I now know that the state capital of Washington is Olympia and that California is less progressive that Iowa. I also now know that stuff here is cheap and that if I try and convert it into Malaysian ringgit, it would not make sense.

But there is just one thing I have learned in Hampshire and it is that I have met a few awesome people. There’s Paul, Frank, Nathan and Karl. And then, there is Benjamin Fucking Beach. To describe in words is just not enough as you have to see and hear to believe him. He is perhaps a character so verbose and opinionated that when he farts, it smells of two things: intelligence and marijuana. My American experience is boiled down to this person and Paul but, Ben Fucking Beach perhaps just dwells deeper in the muck rut that I call Hampshire. Here is a list of things I have learned from him.

• America is a whore and it will fuck with anyone.
• He will make you his bitch.
• He will fuck yo’ couch.
• He wants to change his name to Benjamin Blair cause it is “an awesome fucking name”.
• If you are keeping quiet, he will say, “Wanna talk about it, bitch?” whilst his right brow move into inquisitive mode and his face turns at your direction dramatically
• Humboldt County is a place that grows the second best weed in America
• He will push you into playing Super Smash Bros. even though you refuse it the umpteenth time
• Has an opinion about feminist and it relates with my theory of bullshitism and fuckallogy
• Says ‘fuck’ on every other sentence
• Starts his sentence with ‘fuck’
• Ends his sentence with ‘fuck’
• Has an entire dialogue that consists of the word ‘fuck’
• Opinion on capitalist: “Fucktards”
• Opinion on socialist: “Motherfuckers”
• Opinion on rastafarians: “Pass me that fuck”
• Will be going to North Korea to, as our friends say, “do priestly things with children”
• Qualified goatfucker
• Laughs whenever I say, “I have a triple platinum card with NAMBLA.”
• MoHo = MoeHoes
• Sublime to him is not a Christian rock band
• Can finish two bottles of wine in a day
• Swears combined to make super-swears… e.g. Douchefuck

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Easter Make Jews Feel Alienated After Passover

NEW YORK CITY, apoplexy New York – A recent survey in the New York Times suggests that Jews universally feel left out after celebrating Passover. Among subjects surveyed, dosage most mention that Easter’s theme of death and resurrection does not correspond into their Jewish mind. One of the surveyed quoted saying, view “If you died, you die and go to heaven… there was no way you can just come back up from the dead. Jesus is therefore a… urh… a Dracula!”

The surveyed mentioned the similarities between Jesus Christ with Dracula, drawing conclusions that both Christians and Jesus are vampires and that Christians are forced to drink the blood of Christ, forcing them to become the devil hellspawn of Earth. Although, most people did not associate the resurrection holiday with satanism. “With the matzos and the gifelte fish, you’d expect the Christians would be courteous to be as depressing as the rest of the world is,” commented one of the surveyed people. “We Jews feel absolutely unpleasant with the colored eggs and the tasty Easter brunches these people have. [We] have unleavened bread… unleavened bread…? Who the fuck eats rabbit eggs?!”

However, a rebuttal from the Proper Christian Families of America has caused some sparks of controversy. Spokesperson Jane Watson spoke to Baka-TV news earlier and said, “I would not under no circumstance allow these people to ruin the traditional egg hunt through the dark forest. [Christians] want to celebrate Easter without being pushed into the state of depression. I mean, what do you want: a miracle story of a guy coming back to life after being humiliated in front of thousands of people, cruxified and died OR some recognition of a bunch of peoples’ safe passage over some stupid water?”

No comments by the North American Jewish Association were made yet at the time of this article. The Muslim delegate at a Understanding of Religion and Peace Forum have expressed sympathy to both Christians and Jews to then only later prance around in a circle, pointing and laughing at all religious representatives going, “We have one whole month of holidays later in late September while you don’t!” A subsequent beatdown was later done on the behalf of Jewish and Christian representatives by Hindu, Sikh, Rastafarian and Buddhist representatives.

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The Onion: New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In Face

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Star Trek as The A-Team

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Charlize Theron: Questionable Acting

SRSLY.

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Debauchery, Sin and Vomit: St. Mary Street, Cardiff, Wales

Balchïa chan 'r Cymraeg

In any city, web there is bound to be a spot where the local deviants gather to get hammered, medstore beat up each other and vomit in unison. In Great Britain, it is a common sight on a Friday, Saturday night or a night when there is football (soccer). But when I was perusing through the Internet today, Cardiff, Wales, drew my attention. I’m sure a picture tells a thousand words but these will tell the epic, Gilgamesh.

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Blame Society: John Madden Dungeon Master

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